for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How does one acquire holy water?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
