why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
