I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
