Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
