i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
God, I missed his penis.
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