If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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