actually, I'm a sock model
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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