I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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