We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
