So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
