I'm drive I can fine osifer
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
