I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize