Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
