Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
