Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
