dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
