remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
