There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
