i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
