someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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