It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
