I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
