Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
