My Higher Power is John Stamos
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
