I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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