Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
