i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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