So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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