Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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