He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
