So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
