So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize