It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
