he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
