You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize