I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
