Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I want to be your penis for a week.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
