Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
