I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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