Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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