I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
