Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
