there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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