hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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