the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
