I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
