the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
