i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
