Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry m714 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(859): View more from Kentucky

So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.

Fav 14 5316 3024
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.

Fav 11 3652 1555
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(614): View more from Ohio

My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

Fav 26 6530 4125
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

Fav 9 6545 1275
share tweet
(289): View more from Ontario

The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.

Fav 5 7316 1339
share tweet
(262): View more from Wisconsin

We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.

Fav 25 7849 1297
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.

Fav 8 2236 1347
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(781): View more from Massachusetts

So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.

Fav 6 794 658
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(479): View more from Arkansas

We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over

Fav 2 20 41
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT