I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
