I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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