I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
