I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
