also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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