Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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