I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
