just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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