he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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