ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
