How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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