i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
