That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
