Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
