your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just want nice things and good sex
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
