white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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