Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
