YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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