this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
