Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
