i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
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