omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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