I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
