in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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