shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
