i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize