I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
