When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize