I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She bit a glass in half.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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