I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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