Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He literally asked permission to hit on me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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