More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
