why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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